Sliding into the netherworld of transsexual subculture is a delicate operation for sure. And who better to guide us through the gauntlet than Dollar Bill, our resident liaison to the chicks with dicks set? Does he know what he’s talking about? Doubtful, but who cares? There’s always a juicy tidbit nestled somewhere in the stenchy dung heap he calls an article.
Whether the object of your insatiable lust is female or she male, there are always an encyclopedia of helpful tips to guide a guy into the pants of the girl of his dreams. Generally, what applies to females is similarly relevant for she males as well. But there are some subtle (and not-so-subtle) differences when dealing with the two groups.
To begin, let’s deal with phone call protocol when dialing the number in a she male -- or female -- escort ad. Because the girls are constantly on the lookout for law enforcement, your initial contact should be forthright, straightforward and well-behaved. The girls don’t want to field questions as to what they’ll do or not do sexually. Don’t tell them how big your dick is. Trust me...they don’t care! Simply state your name when asked and answer whatever questions they ask! No girl wants to out you for what you’re doing. They only want to determine that letting you enter their workplace won’t result in an arrest or a mugging! So give them your name and whatever else they need to make them feel comfortable about meeting up with you.
With trannies, don’t harp on their dick size forever! Yes, you can ask the relevant question -- but take the simple answer and move on. I can remember on numerous occasions hearing she male customers sass idiots who stay on the subject too long.
In one case, the girl put her mouth right on the receiver and responded “Big enough to make you scream, maricon!” when he over pursued the subject. And another time, after getting the length straight, an overly inquisitive consumer wanted to know about the circumference as well. The tranny, disgusted with the line of questioning blurted “I don’t even know the meaning of the word” and hung up in his face!
She males like straight men. That’s one of the reasons they become she males: So they can attract guys who like a feminine form. Ask a lot of questions about their dicks and they make you for a sissy faggot -- and don’t want to see you.
And that leads us to a related do/don’t. Don’t act gay! The straighter you appear to be...the more attractive you’ll be to a she male. Remember that a significant percentage of she males’ boyfriends are guys they picked up in clubs who didn’t initially realize they were pursuing a chick with a dick! Uhh...did I mention she males like straight-acting guys? OK! Let’s move on.
Once you meet up with your date, you’ll probably have to take your clothes off immediately. Yes, it’s not very romantic, but in theory, this practice proves that you aren’t a police officer -- as they aren’t allowed to disrobe before making a bust. Once you become a “regular” the girl may dispense with this formality, but at the outset, you really have no choice but to obey this rule if you wish to continue.
Don’t suggest that you’d like to do something sexually risky. I hear stories about guys who want to blow she males sans rubber -- and similarly unbelievable requests. This may sound strange but escorts generally consider their clients to be nasty, promiscuous mother fuckers who they certainly don’t want to risk their lives for. Which party is more promiscuous in reality is irrelevant. In this case, perception IS reality and your date will be totally turned off in the assumption that you spend all your waking hours trying to convince girls to practice unsafe sex!
If there’s a particular style of rubber and/or lube you prefer, BRING IT! It’s not a big expenditure -- and it does afford you the convenience of using your favorite product while impressing the girls with your thoughtfulness, generosity and health-conscious attitude.
NEVER show up unshowered, stinky or with skid marks on your underwear. Nothing is a bigger turnoff than a dirty man. On numerous occasions I’ve heard girls complain “How come guys don’t know how to wipe their asses?” Enough said!
Arriving with a token of your esteem may seem corn ball but for some reason always seems to lubricate the wheels of progress. She males have a feminine mentality and respond to the same dumb gushy stuff that females do -- even if you think it’s ridiculous. So stop off and pick up some flowers or a box of candy. You’ll be amazed at the mileage you get from one considerate moment.
All trannies should always be referred to as “she,” NEVER call a tranny “He.” Chicks with dicks are girls - pure and simple. Don’t ever make the mistake! I had a colleague who worked for another magazine who wasn’t familiar with she males. He was about to consummate a sale for his publication when he he signed off the phone call with “Thanks, guy.”
Said she male called me up to relate the incident asking how she should back out of the purchase, citing she really wasn’t comfortable giving money to a salesman who referred to her as “guy.” When I was a cab driver, I used to roll down Washington Street yelling out the window “Wassup, dudes?” to the tranny street hookers just to fuck with them. But at least I knew exactly what I was doing. Some guys just don’t understand!
Try to familiarize yourself with transsexual culture without overdoing it. You’re not a tranny so you can only become a subculture member to a certain degree -- but not completely. Understand the delicate line which separates you from being hip versus a solicitous asshole. Know their lingo and use their vernacular occasionally.
If a tranny shows off a new outfit, you could respond “That’s quite fetching,” or “You’re dazzling in your new dress.” And those would be fine. But if the mood is right (and you have to be the judge) “You better work, showgirl. That outfit is over!” might really gain you entrance on several levels.
Be careful with augmented body parts! Trannies boast a lot of delicate, synthetic infrastructure. Don’t paw and grope on her tits and ass like a fucking bear. You can do damage if you don’t know your own strength! Proceed in all physical areas with caution and discretion and only get rougher if she gives you the signal.
Don’t complain about the size or hardness of her erection. How would you do if you had to fuck five ugly women per day? Try to see a she male early in her work day when she’s relatively fresh! If you’re client number five late at night, what can you reasonably expect? Born females can lube up and accommodate you all day and night. But if you want your tranny rock hard, that’s a different story. You’re running a gauntlet. What can I say?
If you’re out at a club with mixed company (straight guys/straight girls/gay guys etc.) and you spy a tranny you like, approach her as if she’s a natural born woman. Trannies love to think they’re unspookable even when completely obvious. They want to attract straight men. So feed the fantasy. Act surprised if she divulges her orientation -- which she probably won’t. Play the game. If she takes you home, be content to fuck her titties and accept that she’s on her period. She’s just warming you up for the moment she’s afraid might send you running for the hills.
Really, most of this stuff is intuitive -- but it bears relating as some guys just have no intuition! So proceed with consideration, tact, class and style and you should be just fine! And if you can’t muster that, be good-looking, have a big dick -- or a big wallet -- and that’ll work, too. It’s really not that difficult to spark a tranny!
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