TRANNY CHASERS! STRAIGHT OR GAY?

Waxing philosophical this month, Dollar Bill ponders not the age old questions of “Who am I?” and “How did I get here?” but rather skips to a more updated and relevant mind bender: “The tranny chaser...is he straight or gay?” And who better to answer that question than a guy who visits she males’ apartments regularly to book their ads, listen to their problems, hear their stories, gossip about the other she males, and check out how many hormone bottles are inside their fridge when he hits the icebox for a cold one?

Traveling the highways and biways of the adult bodywork nether world is at once a fascinating study in the human condition...AND a migraine headache which makes my former employment - driving a New York City cab - seem like a walk in the park. And when It comes to the sociologically mind-boggling AND the intensely frustrating, the transsexual community certainly holds its own against any other nationality, gender or ethnicity body working their way through life. (Bodywork?!?! Is that the stupidest euphemism you ever heard in your life?) Whatever...I double digress...and now get to the point:

The other day, an old friend called up - a bodyworker of course - and out of nowhere began questioning me as to whether I “do” the she males and what kind of guys prefer she males to say...a gorgeous broad like her?
In her usual unenlightened fashion (Hey what can I tell you? She ain’t Einstein...but she has great tits), Miss Honey launched into an impassioned tirade proclaiming that any man who sucks cock...is gay. And on the face of it, I would agree. But really, there’s more to it than meets the eye - as I began explaining.

“Gwen...I would agree with you but having been an integral part of the transsexual community for a long time, I have a few meaningful insights on this subject which may shed some light on this issue. For starters. Many of the guys who see she males, will book a tranny on Tuesday...you on Thursday...and do the wife over the weekend. And I find it difficult to call a tranny chaser gay...if he can have sex with you or his wife."

Additionally, if a tranny chaser were gay, why wouldn’t he simply book a man? The fact is...if a tranny chaser chooses to step out of the transsexual realm when calling bodywork ads, he’s (according to the girls) much more likely to call a born female than a man. And that tells me something. Tranny chasers love a woman’s softness, tits, ass, curves and everything else that makes women so fabulous to heterosexuals. And it’s because of these feminine characteristics that he prefers the company of a she male to a nasty hairy, titless, musky man. Does that sound gay to you?

Now I’m going to tell you a story not to bore you - but to inform. I once had a female client who confessed that she was never bisexual until she began working in a garden variety of whorehouses all over the city. Checking out all the other girls’ assets every day, and watching certain guys pick other girls instead of her because (presumably) one had bigger tits - or a fatter ass - or longer legs - or a prettier face, she found herself working out her insecurity by simply befriending the other girls so she could suck and fondle all the body parts they had that weren’t exactly the same size and texture as her own.

I tell you this story because I genuinely feel that all the societal pressure - all the visible pornography - and all the references by females to how they slave for a big, fat cock has beaten down a significant portion of the heterosexual male community to the point where they too want to suck and fondle guys’ body parts. So if you’re basically a straight guy how can you reconcile this inner turmoil? Making love to a guy would be horrible! But wait a minute! TRANNIES! A hot, sexy, drooling, cock-hungry chick with a stiff willy to play with? Voila...there’s the answer.”

I paused for a moment, confident that I’d made my point - but of course I hadn’t. Gwen is clearly a homophobe of sorts who understood almost nothing of what I had just told her. “I don’t care. If you suck cock, you’re gay,” she concluded - no doubt, the prevailing attitude in the mainstream.

I continued in defense of the people who hand she males money so they can in turn hand it to me to run their ads.

“Gwen! Haven’t you ever felt up one of your friend’s tits or asses because they were so plump or whatever?” I continued.

“Yeah, sure! But I’m not gay.” Oy! Obviously some sort of reverse double standard was in full effect and I quickly remembered why I never fell in love with Gwen even though we had great sex and she is easily the best looking Asian bodyworker in New York. SHE’S A FUCKING IDIOT!!

The head of classified advertising from The New York Press called at that moment about something more important than philosophizing about the sexual orientation of a tranny chaser, and I had to get off the phone. But all was not lost. I had the theme of my next “She Male” feature. And I think it’s an interesting one.

Often when I visit my clients’ apartments, I sit not only do business...but gossip as well. And often our social/business interaction is cut off with the familiar statement “Billy, I have a guy on the corner. Gather up your shit and get the fuck out.” And when I leave I almost always run smack dab into the guy who is coming to see my client.

First, the guys never look gay and display no outward appearance as such. I see businessmen, handsome model types, occasional gnomes, old men and even ghetto thugs. And I find it hard to believe in most cases that these guys just do she males. More likely, their tranny chasing is a closeted “other life” which nobody knows about. And that contention is borne out by the fact that almost never will the tranny chaser’s eyes meet mine as I exit and he enters, even though homey has no idea that I know who he is and what he’s about to do. Tranny chasing by and large, is a very clandestine activity - and a very popular one as well. The amount of money spent by tranny chasers - whether they be straight, bi or gay - is considerable.

Honestly, I’m not clear why the sexual orientation of a tranny chaser is such an issue? But on second thought...this might be it: With born females, I can only surmise that a hot tranny constitutes a major threat. I mean...how can they compete with a chick who has bigger tits, a phatter ass than they...AND a big willy to boot? In the case of Gwen, she had really called because business was falling off and she needed to renew her ads. And I guess she felt that her regulars were (at least possibly) defecting for the company of a big-bootied/heavy-balled tranny - and was feeling insecure about the entire affair.

Lending credibility to that theory, I know several females who harbor fantasies about getting fucked long and hard by a beautiful, functional she male. She males just have so much, making love to one a female can exorcise all that penis envy and feminine cattiness/jealousy in one incredible interlude with a miraculous divastud. Talk about purging you mind, body and soul! Could there be a better way for an oversexed and overly insecure nymphomaniac adult bodyworker?

Anyway, before I slip out of my Platonic garb and end this meaningless diatribe, I’ll finish by observing that the once puritanical human species has evolved sexually to such a point that we now have a third sex and are struggling to define the sexual orientation of the person who likes to have sex with modern medicine’s relatively new creation. And really and maybe even more important...what’s with all the fucking labels? If it feels good and you’re not hurting anybody...you might as well go for it. Just use a rubber. That’s what really matters!