HOW TO SPOOK A TRANNY!

Given all the she males Dollar Bill has known over the years, if there’s one thing he should be good at it would be how to “spook” a she male. No...not how to scare her...but how to detect the on-the-down-low three-legged femme fatale in almost the same way you might figure out that some guy with a $2,000 toupee is actually bald!

It’s happened to everybody! You go to a bar...and there’s this chick. She’s looking at your crotch - checking out the package - as she licks her lips. You think you’ve died and gone to heaven. Finally, some bitch is drooling in anticipation of sucking your big hog. OK! So you get her home, start fooling around, and then let your fingers head south. It’s the moment of truth!! Are you ready for the forbidden fruit or not? Some guys dive and gobble. Some guys knock the bitch out. Regardless, you find yourself in an awkward position. Maybe, there’s somebody out there who can help you avoid these uncomfortable moments? And that’s where I, Dollar Bill, come in to save the day. Cape and all, I’m here to let you know how to ascertain that even the most feminine and gorgeous of women is in fact not born that way.

In this day and age of advanced surgery, depilation and hormone therapy, some trannies have become remarkably gorgeous and almost totally “unspookable.” But there are certain signs that will let you know that beneath her legs lurks that long, thick, hard male weapon - and not a stinky little hole you have no interest in - which is why you’re a tranny chaser in the first place. Yeah, pussy is good sometimes - we know. But nothing beats the thrill of a she male sex nympho! That’s why this magazine sells so well.

Spooking really good-looking she males involves not just your eyesight - but all the senses. For example, trannies generally wear strong, wafty, and very seductive perfume. A real girl’s scent is gentle and subtle, giving off a come hither style air. A tranny’s is in your face. IT says “Come suck my big cock and then I’ll suck yours which I’ll bet is even bigger!!” So your sense of smell can be helpful in spooking a hot tranny. I remember during the heyday of Screw, walking into the outer office to see and smell ten trannies waiting to run their ads. The power of all the perfume was overwhelming - and nauseating. All I could think of at the time was ten trannies in a pile, fucking and sucking and spunking and getting down and dirty super slut style with anybody who wanted to join in. The editors used to run through the crowd, pinching their noses all the way, as they exited for lunch hour at the local deli.

Your sense of hearing can also be a tool in this pursuit. Trannies have very exaggerated vocal tones and their own language. While some have had their vocal chords shortened - and others consciously raise their vocal pitch when they speak, often their voices will crack like an adolescent’s or simply be too deep to go unnoticed and unquestioned.
The tranny’s vocabulary is also very different from a natural born woman’s. Expressions like “ova,” “you go girl,” “oh, scandal,” and several others are clear indications that the “female” before you actually has a dick under her skirt or at least, that she you hangs out with a lot of she males and should be placed under suspicion.

Your sense of touch is another sensual tool to help you ascertain the birth gender of your prey. As in...if you go to finger her and you come up with a fist full of balls and cock, she may just be a tranny! To be more serious, the smoothness of her skin (or lack of) can be a tactile indication. Hand/feet size and texture is another barometer. While trannies can induce breast and butt enlargement either hormonally or surgically, nobody has perfected the art of making a tranny’s feet or hands smaller, smoother or daintier. Wanna know if that girl you met in the club is a tranny? Ask her to remove her shoes and socks. That should do the trick (so to speak).

Next, the sense of taste! Yup! If you’re tongue kissing your goddess and she tastes a little sticky...or you’re sucking her big clit and suddenly a gush of white sticky stuff projects from her engorgement, you just might be a tranny chaser!

Ok! I’ll get off this ridiculous bender and make a point. If you’re reading this magazine, what makes you futuristic and unique - and not just dull and humdrum - is that you’re spooking trannies because you’re hoping the girl HAS a dick - and a big one. Normally, the act of spooking involves a straight man making sure he isn’t being seduced by a faggot! And so fellas, count yourselves hot, cool, metrosexual and all those other modern adjectives. While repressed white-collared conservatives only dream about having a huge cock, you guys go out and find one - and a chick with huge tits - all on the same body. Hey! you only live once - and you’re living a lot more freely, enjoyably and openly than your shamefully pitiful counterparts. And there’s my socially observant - if not redeeming -message.